Today I’m bored and I may have reached a new level of absurdity. Hence, I’m going to interview myself.
Me: Hi, what’s up?
Also me: Literally nothing today. My cat has been napping on my bed for like 7 straight hours now. I’ve been sitting next to him and in that time I’ve finished a book, wrote, watched 2 different tv shows, spent an hour and a half on the phone with a friend and tried to come up with more things to do.
Me: Why don’t you go out and do something?
Also me: Like what?
Me: Good point. Okay so let’s just jump right into this. If you were a part of a burrito, which part would you be and why?
Also me: Easy. The tomatoes. Because on the outside I’m all cute and holding it together but on the inside I’m a mess *winks at camera.*
Me: *laughs* Good one! Which Hogwarts house are you in and is that important to you? Many don’t find it to be relevant in this day and age.
Also me: Oh heavens, yes! It’s so important. Hogwarts houses tell so much about a person’s character and who they really are when it comes down to it. For myself, I am a Slytherin and I agree with that completely. The words generally used to describe Slytherins are cunning, ambitious, resourceful and shrewd. I’m nothing if not those.
Me: Even shrewd? And you, cunning? Really?
Also me: Absolutely. Most people just say I’m intimidating and manipulative though.
Me: Ah. Difficult descriptors indeed. Next question; what is your absolute dream job?
Also me: This is a difficult one for me. There’s so many things I could be good at, but it all comes down to cleaning mirrors. Yeah, that’s something I could really see myself doing.
Me: Very true. If you were an animal, or had a spirit animal, what would it be and why?
Also me: An elephant. Because an elephant never forgets and an elephant is faithful 100%.
Me: Good one. Okay let’s find some hard one from the internet now…*opens google because I was not prepared for this interview*
Also me: Let’s just switch things up for a minute. If someone you loved was killed in front of you, but someone created a copy of them that was perfect right down to the atomic level, would they be the same person and would you love them just as much?
Me: They would be the same, but I sure wouldn’t! I’d probably love them more after watching them die but also be sneakily suspicious…and wonder who this other someone was.
Also me: Yeah, I agree.
Me: Okay here’s one from google. Would the world be a better or worse place if everyone looked the same?
Also me: It would certainly be a more confusing place. And probably worse. Despite the equality, it would be extremely difficult to hold anyone accountable for anything because who’s to say that it was actually that person doing that?
Me: So kind of like us. Whenever you do something, I get blamed for it.
Also me: The reverse is also true.
Me: Fair enough. What’s your favorite emoji to use?
Me: You don’t have one?
Also me: No, that’s it.
Me: What’s it?
Also me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Me: Okay nevermind. *Snickers* Next question. Wait, can you hear the cat snoring?
Also me: Yeah and he keeps flinching too. He’s been in dreamland all day.
Me: What’s the last dream you remember?
Also me: I dreamed about the dentist and TMJ doctors a few days ago.
Me: Of course. Someday our jaw will be healed. Anywhoo, what’s on our mind right now?
Also me: So many things. I want to talk to someone, but not the people I talk to everyday. I want some new friends to talk with constantly through text. I don’t even do that with the few friends I do have. I want to listen to some sort of music or something but I don’t know what. I have really weird headache right now that isn’t really a headache but I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s like a brain freeze without the freeze part. Also I want it to be warm so that I can go do things (sit outside) in the sun. I’m sort of hungry but also not really but I haven’t had much at all to eat today so I should have something. How is today only Thursday. The weeks go by so much faster when I’m working.
Me: Okay, okay that’s enough of that internal monologue although I’m sure there’s more. What do you need to get off your chest today?
Also me: That I obviously might be just a tad lonesome.
Me: Okay good. I was afraid you might say something deep and even more true.
Also me: Nah.
Me: How can I uplift myself?
Also me: Well I think I’m gonna go shopping tomorrow. And maybe eat a fancy lunch. And sit in the sunshine.
Me: Yes. Let’s do it. What answers am I seeking right now?
Also me: Which career(s) am I actually going to do? What show should I be watching on Netflix? Should I even care to get married? And if yeah, who should I marry? Where do I find him? What should I eat for dinner?
Me: A great mix. What is going well in my life lately?
Also me: Work has been great.
Me: As of today, what is my vision for the next three years?
Also me: Work dang hard and reward myself with (limited) oreos and travel and books.
Me: So looking forward to that. How can we reduce current stress?
Also me: Let’s not talk about that. Also I just remembered last night’s dream. I was dog sitting but also watching a person.
Me: Ohhhkay then. So what makes you most qualified for this position?
Also me: I think we’re done here.
Me: This was weird.
See you later, alligator!