Two Sides of the Same Coin

I am confident. I am beautiful. I am talented. I am the best at a lot of things and constantly getting better at others. I perform well. I nailed a combination in ballet today and it felt great. My teacher definitely saw and was proud. My standard walks are better than a lot of people which is why Sister Reed doesn’t always have comments for me. Yesterday, I saved a bee from getting squished. It was grateful. I carry a mini disco ball in my purse because anywhere Annee goes is a party. I wear bright colors together and patterns that don’t match because only I can pull it off. I have the best collection of music, 2224 songs and counting. I can make civil war jokes to my southern friends, the worst puns and be sassy to my teachers and get away with it all. People laugh. People think I’m funny. think I’m funny. I’m a friend to everyone I meet. I don’t judge people. I’m kind. I read my scriptures every night and say my prayers every day and make them meaningful. I am a great big sister. I am patient. I am persistent. I don’t give up. I work hard. Tonight I could’ve gone to dance where I would’ve been asked to dance more than the majority of girls there because I’m a good dancer and have a lot of friends and people can see that I know how to dance. There were people there expecting me to be there. I make delicious food and give it to people struggling with things. I’ll invited them over when I know they’re having a hard day and give them treats. Nothing scares me. I’m different from everyone else with things like my favorite animal being a dinosaur and this makes me unique and worth something. I have a place here. There is a reason I am here and I want to be here.

I am weak. I’m not beautiful. I have no talents. I’m not good at the things I enjoy like dancing. My teachers don’t always give me tips because they don’t watch me or think there’s no hope for me improving. My clothes look stupid. Everyone pretends to like me and can’t stand me. I’m just as annoying as a  fly on a summer day. No one really wants me around them. I judge people too harshly. I gossip too much and it gets around. Everyone knows I gossip. I start rumors. I’ve almost dated so many guys. There isn’t anyone I’m meant to be with. No one would ever want me.  I’m rude and too honest with people. People laugh at me, not with me. People make fun of me, the way I talk, the way I dress, the way I act. I can’t make it through a three hour block of church. I don’t understand or focus enough when I read my scriptures. My prayers are redundant. I’m impatient. I give up so easily on everything, and I already know I won’t succeed in life. I don’t know why I’m still here. I suck at dancing. I’m not good at writing, or teaching or any of the things that I love. Nobody wants to be around me. My ideas are stupid. I weigh too much and eat too many unhealthy things. People notice and judge me for it. People can see right through me and everyone knows about my illnesses. My family thinks I’m stupid. My doctors find me annoying. I am worthless, not worth anyone’s time, money or anything else. I shouldn’t be here. I would be better off dead or not existing.

Maybe two, Kangaroo!

❤ Annee


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